Comments on: Divorcing Your Parents (Poll) http://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/divorcing-your-parents-poll/ "Happy Parents Raise Happy Kids" Tue, 07 Feb 2012 12:26:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: ronitbarashttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/divorcing-your-parents-poll/#comment-8138 ronitbaras Sat, 15 Oct 2011 12:17:00 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/?p=476#comment-8138 How old are you?  How old are you? 

]]> By: ronitbarashttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/divorcing-your-parents-poll/#comment-8137 ronitbaras Sat, 15 Oct 2011 12:16:00 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/?p=476#comment-8137 Online Spanish course.  Thanks.  I am glad you liked it.  Ronit  Online Spanish course. 

Thanks. 
I am glad you liked it. 

Ronit 

]]> By: ronitbarashttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/divorcing-your-parents-poll/#comment-8135 ronitbaras Sat, 15 Oct 2011 12:15:00 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/?p=476#comment-8135 Big sister,  I think what you are asking is a legal question you should direct to a solicitor.  Can you see her at school? He school?  Where is her dad?  Do you know a third person who has any contact with her?  This is sad.  Big sister, 

I think what you are asking is a legal question you should direct to a solicitor. 
Can you see her at school? He school? 
Where is her dad? 
Do you know a third person who has any contact with her? 

This is sad. 

]]> By: ronitbarashttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/divorcing-your-parents-poll/#comment-8136 ronitbaras Sat, 15 Oct 2011 12:15:00 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/?p=476#comment-8136 Suc de Mere,  Thanks!  Suc de Mere, 

Thanks! 

]]> By: ronitbarashttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/divorcing-your-parents-poll/#comment-8134 ronitbaras Sat, 15 Oct 2011 12:11:00 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/?p=476#comment-8134 You are a grown up Flavia, You can stay away from him as much as possible.  It is your choice!  He can't hurt you now! or, can he?  You are a grown up Flavia, You can stay away from him as much as possible. 
It is your choice! 
He can't hurt you now! or, can he? 

]]> By: Flaviahttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/divorcing-your-parents-poll/#comment-8074 Flavia Sun, 04 Sep 2011 03:38:00 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/?p=476#comment-8074 I have a good, if lop-sided, relationship with my mother. I really would prefer to have no contact with my father. The relationship exists only because I am too chicken to cut the ties. It makes me angry that I'm 42 and still ducking him like I did when I was a child. At least he lives in another state.  I have a good, if lop-sided, relationship with my mother. I really would prefer to have no contact with my father. The relationship exists only because I am too chicken to cut the ties. It makes me angry that I'm 42 and still ducking him like I did when I was a child. At least he lives in another state. 

]]> By: concerned big sisterhttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/divorcing-your-parents-poll/#comment-8064 concerned big sister Wed, 17 Aug 2011 04:28:00 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/?p=476#comment-8064 I have recently stopped talking to my mother and step father as their is officially no hope for them they do not care about any one not even them selfs so i need some help my mum has never been a GOOD mum and has always been addicted to pain medication as far as i can remember i have had to be the adult she did get to a point were she would physically abuse me broke my nose once when i was 14 yrs old but regardless of what she did i stuck around to support her i fought everyone that said anything bad about her well she only got worst she did get better at one point when she met her now fiance who i hate but then she went back to normal and then got worst she isnt a well woman one kidney was removed always sick but her fiance started to get her to drink with him an before long she was addicted to the alcohol & pain killers im not talking 3 tablets im talking 40 something a day of panadiene forte i am now 22 yrs old an have a daughter my self since i was 15 i have been look after her i left school to be her carer and did everything for her i have given her cars payed her bills because her money went on drugs and grog 2 yrs ago she ended up in hospital on her death bed she was only 38yrs of age she has septicemia an the pain killers were killing her she made a miracle recovery an stopped the pain pills an grog but b4 long my step father had her back on them i stuck by herside 24/7 at the hospital so i was so angry when i seen her taking them again but i couldnt do nothing but be there for her well 1yr ago she was re admitted for the same thing but not as serious she was let out 2 weeks later n on the shit again not to mention her an her partner recently tried to smash up my house 6 months ago so i have cut all contact with her BUT she has my little 7 yr old sister who i miss sooo much i have raised her since i was 15 she is like my 1st daughter i have not seen her in 6 months and its killing me im 22yrs old have a 3 yr old daughter and a fiance of 6yrs that works hard and we are paying off a house together an he misses her too as he was like her dad the thing is im not sure if i have rights to fight for visitation rights or full custody of her as i believe she deserves better then them i have no clue if she is safe or in danger as they wont even let me c a photo of her or hear her voice pls help me i need to have my sister with me i already have my 18 yr old sister with me but i need my baby sister my lil angel to come back to were she belongs do i have rights as her older sister????????  I have recently stopped talking to my mother and step father as their is officially no hope for them they do not care about any one not even them selfs so i need some help my mum has never been a GOOD mum and has always been addicted to pain medication as far as i can remember i have had to be the adult she did get to a point were she would physically abuse me broke my nose once when i was 14 yrs old but regardless of what she did i stuck around to support her i fought everyone that said anything bad about her well she only got worst she did get better at one point when she met her now fiance who i hate but then she went back to normal and then got worst she isnt a well woman one kidney was removed always sick but her fiance started to get her to drink with him an before long she was addicted to the alcohol & pain killers im not talking 3 tablets im talking 40 something a day of panadiene forte i am now 22 yrs old an have a daughter my self since i was 15 i have been look after her i left school to be her carer and did everything for her i have given her cars payed her bills because her money went on drugs and grog 2 yrs ago she ended up in hospital on her death bed she was only 38yrs of age she has septicemia an the pain killers were killing her she made a miracle recovery an stopped the pain pills an grog but b4 long my step father had her back on them i stuck by herside 24/7 at the hospital so i was so angry when i seen her taking them again but i couldnt do nothing but be there for her well 1yr ago she was re admitted for the same thing but not as serious she was let out 2 weeks later n on the shit again not to mention her an her partner recently tried to smash up my house 6 months ago so i have cut all contact with her BUT she has my little 7 yr old sister who i miss sooo much i have raised her since i was 15 she is like my 1st daughter i have not seen her in 6 months and its killing me im 22yrs old have a 3 yr old daughter and a fiance of 6yrs that works hard and we are paying off a house together an he misses her too as he was like her dad the thing is im not sure if i have rights to fight for visitation rights or full custody of her as i believe she deserves better then them i have no clue if she is safe or in danger as they wont even let me c a photo of her or hear her voice pls help me i need to have my sister with me i already have my 18 yr old sister with me but i need my baby sister my lil angel to come back to were she belongs do i have rights as her older sister???????? 

]]> By: ronitbarashttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/divorcing-your-parents-poll/#comment-8011 ronitbaras Wed, 20 Jul 2011 10:44:00 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/?p=476#comment-8011 Dear Kathleen,  Though we mostly talk about physical and sexual abuse, emotional abuse is not something we can afford to ignore.  I believe that all readers in this post do not think that reading a post is counselling in anyway. As you can read from all the many comments to this post, most of them talk about emotional abuse and use this comment box to express, share and vent a bit.   I truly believe that no parent, even the one hurting his children physically, consider himself as an abuser. Parents do the best they can and sometimes the best they can is really damaging.  I know it is a very delicate topic but being delicate does not mean we need to avoid talking about it.  There are many people, too many in my opinion, struggling with their parents, most of them long after they leave the house. I agree with you that working on the relationship is essential but not every one can do that. Not all parents know how to parent and not all children are able to fix the relationship and I believe many of them do try.   We all need to find this place in our heart to forgive or let go of the relationship instead of use it as an excuse to many of our problems in life.  The scene of a patient sitting on the sofa  talking to the psephologist how horrible his parents were needs to fade.  Though the statement " you get out of your relationship what you put in" is a strong, positive and empowering statement,  I think it is not applicable the same to the relationship between parents and their children. Kids are followers, they don't choose their abilities, their strength, their circumstances, they just have to manage with what their parents present to them. When they roll up their sleeves and try to work out their relationship with their parents, they can not just start all over again - underneath there is much pain that needs to be healed first.  Divorcing your parent is a metaphorical way of examining the relationship between parents and their children ( that in this case are parents themselves). I think that no one takes it lightly.  Thanks for your comment.  Ronit   Dear Kathleen, 

Though we mostly talk about physical and sexual abuse, emotional abuse is not something we can afford to ignore. 

I believe that all readers in this post do not think that reading a post is counselling in anyway. As you can read from all the many comments to this post, most of them talk about emotional abuse and use this comment box to express, share and vent a bit.  

I truly believe that no parent, even the one hurting his children physically, consider himself as an abuser. Parents do the best they can and sometimes the best they can is really damaging. 

I know it is a very delicate topic but being delicate does not mean we need to avoid talking about it. 
There are many people, too many in my opinion, struggling with their parents, most of them long after they leave the house.
I agree with you that working on the relationship is essential but not every one can do that. Not all parents know how to parent and not all children are able to fix the relationship and I believe many of them do try.  
We all need to find this place in our heart to forgive or let go of the relationship instead of use it as an excuse to many of our problems in life.  The scene of a patient sitting on the sofa  talking to the psephologist how horrible his parents were needs to fade. 

Though the statement " you get out of your relationship what you put in" is a strong, positive and empowering statement,  I think it is not applicable the same to the relationship between parents and their children. Kids are followers, they don't choose their abilities, their strength, their circumstances, they just have to manage with what their parents present to them. When they roll up their sleeves and try to work out their relationship with their parents, they can not just start all over again - underneath there is much pain that needs to be healed first. 

Divorcing your parent is a metaphorical way of examining the relationship between parents and their children ( that in this case are parents themselves). I think that no one takes it lightly. 

Thanks for your comment. 
Ronit  

]]> By: Kathleen Triggshttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/divorcing-your-parents-poll/#comment-8007 Kathleen Triggs Tue, 19 Jul 2011 21:42:00 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/?p=476#comment-8007 My sister is a sociology major and she believes that abuse is defined extremely widely so that the greatest amount of people benefit from any doubt of distinction. This being said, abuse is an extremely widely variating set of conditions. I think it is dangerous to seek online counselling in something as serious as divorcing a parent from an online free coach.  This is an intensely personal and complicated deliberation which should only be arrived at with close and careful attention to detail. I just worry in this type of format that you are misleading people or giving false hope. Almost everyone falls apart, usually in front of those who they hold most dear. That doesn't dampen loving feelings deep underneath the broken communication and misunderstandings. Cutting off oneself from exposure to those who love them is a bad idea. Even though they may express their love inappropriately, this is fundamentally an issue of boundaries and assertiveness work which everyone can learn at any age, whether the parent or the child. We believe it is parents jobs to teach adult skills to their children but not all adults come with the skills that their children will need to succeed. Life is complex and love is not an easy road. Why do we always want to look to quick fixes like divorce. Abuse in this sense should be reserved for the narrowest of varieties which involve sexual and physical violations. Otherwise, roll up your sleeves and work at it because you truly get out of life and relationships what you put in. Walking away is what you can expect to get out of your adult relationships.....lack of commitment and furthermore, constant disappointment wondering what might have been if you had tried harder. My sister is a sociology major and she believes that abuse is defined extremely widely so that the greatest amount of people benefit from any doubt of distinction. This being said, abuse is an extremely widely variating set of conditions. I think it is dangerous to seek online counselling in something as serious as divorcing a parent from an online free coach.  This is an intensely personal and complicated deliberation which should only be arrived at with close and careful attention to detail. I just worry in this type of format that you are misleading people or giving false hope. Almost everyone falls apart, usually in front of those who they hold most dear. That doesn't dampen loving feelings deep underneath the broken communication and misunderstandings. Cutting off oneself from exposure to those who love them is a bad idea. Even though they may express their love inappropriately, this is fundamentally an issue of boundaries and assertiveness work which everyone can learn at any age, whether the parent or the child. We believe it is parents jobs to teach adult skills to their children but not all adults come with the skills that their children will need to succeed. Life is complex and love is not an easy road. Why do we always want to look to quick fixes like divorce. Abuse in this sense should be reserved for the narrowest of varieties which involve sexual and physical violations. Otherwise, roll up your sleeves and work at it because you truly get out of life and relationships what you put in. Walking away is what you can expect to get out of your adult relationships.....lack of commitment and furthermore, constant disappointment wondering what might have been if you had tried harder.

]]> By: ronitbarashttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/divorcing-your-parents-poll/#comment-7907 ronitbaras Fri, 29 Apr 2011 07:36:00 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/?p=476#comment-7907 Hi Private, Congratulations! Divorcing a parent requires strength and confidence. You must be feeling great that after about 50 years you took from her the power she never had. We want our parents' love and by this want/ need we give them power. one day you will thank her for being nasty to your child as what you call straw that broke the camel's back is what gave you the courage to take the power away from her. Giving birth to kids gives rights to enjoy your kids and love them not to abuse them. good on you! Hi Private,

Congratulations!
Divorcing a parent requires strength and confidence.
You must be feeling great that after about 50 years you took from her the power she never had.
We want our parents' love and by this want/ need we give them power.
one day you will thank her for being nasty to your child as what you call straw that broke the camel's back is what gave you the courage to take the power away from her.
Giving birth to kids gives rights to enjoy your kids and love them not to abuse them.
good on you!

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