Comments on: 20 Things You Should Never Say to Your Teens http://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/20-things-you-should-never-say-to-your-teens/ "Happy Parents Raise Happy Kids" Tue, 07 Feb 2012 12:26:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Measure Your Relationship With Your Teen | Empowered Teens and Parentshttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/20-things-you-should-never-say-to-your-teens/#comment-8071 Measure Your Relationship With Your Teen | Empowered Teens and Parents Tue, 23 Aug 2011 21:42:31 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/index.php/2008/07/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/20-things-you-should-never-say-to-your-teens/#comment-8071 [...] Source: Ronit Baras [...] [...] Source: Ronit Baras [...]

]]> By: Ronit Barashttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/20-things-you-should-never-say-to-your-teens/#comment-7404 Ronit Baras Wed, 22 Dec 2010 08:18:30 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/index.php/2008/07/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/20-things-you-should-never-say-to-your-teens/#comment-7404 Norie, As I said before, I admire you for having the courage to raise your kids different to your dad's upbringing. The easiest thing to do is to continue your parents' upbringing without questioning it. Easy and wise are not the same thing. I know people raising kids in such a bad way that they excuse for it is " My parents did this to me, look at me, I turned perfectly fine" You need courage to say " No, this is not a good upbringing". I would feel sorry for your step dad that he grew up like that and never had the courage, the strength to parent differently - not that we can blame him. This kind of parenting cripples the kids and we cant blame crippled people for being disabled. Ronit www.behappyinlife.com Norie,

As I said before, I admire you for having the courage to raise your kids different to your dad's upbringing.

The easiest thing to do is to continue your parents' upbringing without questioning it. Easy and wise are not the same thing. I know people raising kids in such a bad way that they excuse for it is " My parents did this to me, look at me, I turned perfectly fine"

You need courage to say " No, this is not a good upbringing".
I would feel sorry for your step dad that he grew up like that and never had the courage, the strength to parent differently - not that we can blame him. This kind of parenting cripples the kids and we cant blame crippled people for being disabled.

Ronit
http://www.behappyinlife.com

]]> By: Noriehttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/20-things-you-should-never-say-to-your-teens/#comment-7384 Norie Tue, 21 Dec 2010 01:39:34 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/index.php/2008/07/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/20-things-you-should-never-say-to-your-teens/#comment-7384 I definitely started laughing when I read this one. When you put it in the context of our lives, I realised how it would offend. My stepfather would at least tell me every year how 'mothers were to blame for how their children turned out'. Often I would say that fathers have a role. Oh no! he said its all the mother's fault. Then he would tell me to watch chickens because that's the best way of parenting. Chickens chase their chicks around and peck them if they get out of control. I later learned that he had a horrible horrific upbringing. He is so damaged that I am glad I did not follow his advice. Thanks Ronit! If only all parents could read your advice, they would all bring up great kids. I definitely started laughing when I read this one. When you put it in the context of our lives, I realised how it would offend. My stepfather would at least tell me every year how 'mothers were to blame for how their children turned out'. Often I would say that fathers have a role. Oh no! he said its all the mother's fault. Then he would tell me to watch chickens because that's the best way of parenting. Chickens chase their chicks around and peck them if they get out of control. I later learned that he had a horrible horrific upbringing. He is so damaged that I am glad I did not follow his advice. Thanks Ronit! If only all parents could read your advice, they would all bring up great kids.

]]> By: Ronit Barashttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/20-things-you-should-never-say-to-your-teens/#comment-6393 Ronit Baras Thu, 29 Jul 2010 07:32:33 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/index.php/2008/07/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/20-things-you-should-never-say-to-your-teens/#comment-6393 Hi Jennee, Gal and I had a friend that his dad used to do that all the time and in front of us, his friends. Every time we came to visit, he would tell us how spoiled we are, how lazy we are, how ungrateful we are, how non- experienced we are, how un knowledgeable we are, how hard it was in the old days, how people in the past had values and we - young kids, have no values.( we were teens) You know what? I thank him for it. Do you know why? He did it so much and we hated it so much that I learned that this is not the way I will talk to my kids. I learned from him that he was living in the past, not updating himself. He probably had an unfinished business in the past and in his head he said " I wish I could go back in time and do something differently". I remember us arguing with him. ( our friend - his son - gave up long before we did) We told him " why are you blaming us for the technology. Why are you talking about us having food and shelter as if it is a bad thing. Isn't it the reason you are working so hard to give your sons( 3 boys) what you didn't have? if it was that good, why are you trying to provide for them and send them to school? ) you know what? Nothing we did or said changed his mind. He was trapped in the memories of the past and it was his strange way of saying " I had a hard life. My past was rough and tough" weird way, but when we got it, it didn't seem as bad as before. Your dad probably loves you very much and when he says "if you just listen to me..." I think he hopes that it will make your life easier and he probably means to say " I want to make your life easier than mine and I'm worried about you". You can tell him " Dad, I know you care about me. As I am growing I need to learn to make my own choices. You can't be with me every second of the day and help me with that. so I need you to help me make good choices not by telling me what to do but by showing me your good choices in life. Show me by being an example" If he talks about the past say: " Dad, I am sure you want what is best for me but 40 years ago, we didn't have TV and Computers and mobile phones and the world that I need to live in ( which is not my choice) has new things that I need to learn to live with. I think both you and I need to make new choices now because life is different now" I am sure it will help him understand that telling you what to do and talking about the past is not what he needs to do. It is great to hear that you don't consider yourself as making bad choices. Well done! keep thinking good things about yourself. happy day Ronit Hi Jennee,

Gal and I had a friend that his dad used to do that all the time and in front of us, his friends. Every time we came to visit, he would tell us how spoiled we are, how lazy we are, how ungrateful we are, how non- experienced we are, how un knowledgeable we are, how hard it was in the old days, how people in the past had values and we - young kids, have no values.( we were teens)
You know what?
I thank him for it. Do you know why?
He did it so much and we hated it so much that I learned that this is not the way I will talk to my kids.
I learned from him that he was living in the past, not updating himself. He probably had an unfinished business in the past and in his head he said " I wish I could go back in time and do something differently".
I remember us arguing with him. ( our friend - his son - gave up long before we did) We told him " why are you blaming us for the technology. Why are you talking about us having food and shelter as if it is a bad thing. Isn't it the reason you are working so hard to give your sons( 3 boys) what you didn't have? if it was that good, why are you trying to provide for them and send them to school? )
you know what?
Nothing we did or said changed his mind. He was trapped in the memories of the past and it was his strange way of saying " I had a hard life. My past was rough and tough" weird way, but when we got it, it didn't seem as bad as before.

Your dad probably loves you very much and when he says "if you just listen to me..." I think he hopes that it will make your life easier and he probably means to say " I want to make your life easier than mine and I'm worried about you".

You can tell him " Dad, I know you care about me. As I am growing I need to learn to make my own choices. You can't be with me every second of the day and help me with that. so I need you to help me make good choices not by telling me what to do but by showing me your good choices in life. Show me by being an example"

If he talks about the past say: " Dad, I am sure you want what is best for me but 40 years ago, we didn't have TV and Computers and mobile phones and the world that I need to live in ( which is not my choice) has new things that I need to learn to live with. I think both you and I need to make new choices now because life is different now"

I am sure it will help him understand that telling you what to do and talking about the past is not what he needs to do.

It is great to hear that you don't consider yourself as making bad choices.
Well done! keep thinking good things about yourself.

happy day
Ronit

]]> By: Jenneehttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/20-things-you-should-never-say-to-your-teens/#comment-6371 Jennee Sun, 25 Jul 2010 21:45:08 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/index.php/2008/07/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/20-things-you-should-never-say-to-your-teens/#comment-6371 I agree completely. I really hate it when my dad starts with "when I was your age.." story, I try to tell him something and he does not even let me finish before he started his story. I tell him that story does not apply because that was 40 years ago (he is 56), and also I am girl, so our problems would be different. Another time, my dad said "If you would just listen to me your life will be easier" I got annoyed, mainly because its my life I want to make my choices and not just follow what he wants me to do. I don't even make bad choices, other than I don't really leave the house much and super shy. I agree completely.
I really hate it when my dad starts with "when I was your age.." story, I try to tell him something and he does not even let me finish before he started his story. I tell him that story does not apply because that was 40 years ago (he is 56), and also I am girl, so our problems would be different.

Another time, my dad said "If you would just listen to me your life will be easier" I got annoyed, mainly because its my life I want to make my choices and not just follow what he wants me to do. I don't even make bad choices, other than I don't really leave the house much and super shy.

]]> By: Ronit Barashttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/20-things-you-should-never-say-to-your-teens/#comment-6360 Ronit Baras Fri, 23 Jul 2010 12:35:07 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/index.php/2008/07/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/20-things-you-should-never-say-to-your-teens/#comment-6360 Michelle, Well, it is just a sentence that states the fact that he is an adult, which it true and that you are a child, which is true too. On the surface, there is nothing wrong with stating the truth but underneath the sentence there is a fear of losing control. I am a mother of teens and I am sure there are things I say to my kids they don't like at all. ( My daughter is 21 and she just started writing in this blog, I am sure she will share some of my nagging sentences) it is not a big deal, if your dad loves you and you love him, you'll be fine. Ronit Michelle,

Well, it is just a sentence that states the fact that he is an adult, which it true and that you are a child, which is true too.

On the surface, there is nothing wrong with stating the truth but underneath the sentence there is a fear of losing control.

I am a mother of teens and I am sure there are things I say to my kids they don't like at all.
( My daughter is 21 and she just started writing in this blog, I am sure she will share some of my nagging sentences)

it is not a big deal, if your dad loves you and you love him, you'll be fine.

Ronit

]]> By: Ronit Barashttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/20-things-you-should-never-say-to-your-teens/#comment-6359 Ronit Baras Fri, 23 Jul 2010 12:31:09 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/index.php/2008/07/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/20-things-you-should-never-say-to-your-teens/#comment-6359 HI Karen, Be prepared! I am joking. There is nothing to prepare yourself. Teens are kids and there is nothing different about them. At least not greatly different than having a 4 year old. It is just that when your child is 4 you think ( only think) you have more control and when your child is 16 you think ( only think) you have lost that control ( that you never had in the first place)... Ronit http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/kiran_bir_sethi_teaches_kids_to_take_charge.html HI Karen,

Be prepared!
I am joking.
There is nothing to prepare yourself.
Teens are kids and there is nothing different about them. At least not greatly different than having a 4 year old. It is just that when your child is 4 you think ( only think) you have more control and when your child is 16 you think ( only think) you have lost that control ( that you never had in the first place)...

Ronit
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/kiran_bir_sethi_teaches_kids_to_take_charge.html

]]> By: Ronit Barashttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/20-things-you-should-never-say-to-your-teens/#comment-6358 Ronit Baras Fri, 23 Jul 2010 12:27:49 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/index.php/2008/07/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/20-things-you-should-never-say-to-your-teens/#comment-6358 Sarah, Sure, you can share it with as many people you want. That's the idea... Happy day Ronit http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/kiran_bir_sethi_teaches_kids_to_take_charge.html Sarah,

Sure, you can share it with as many people you want.
That's the idea...

Happy day
Ronit
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/kiran_bir_sethi_teaches_kids_to_take_charge.html

]]> By: Ronit Barashttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/20-things-you-should-never-say-to-your-teens/#comment-6357 Ronit Baras Fri, 23 Jul 2010 12:26:23 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/index.php/2008/07/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/20-things-you-should-never-say-to-your-teens/#comment-6357 HI Debra, Yes, it is amazing what we say to our kids. I do hope parents say encouraging things but sometimes they can't because no one encourages them so they don't know how to say it. Ronit http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/kiran_bir_sethi_teaches_kids_to_take_charge.html HI Debra,

Yes, it is amazing what we say to our kids.
I do hope parents say encouraging things but sometimes they can't because no one encourages them so they don't know how to say it.

Ronit
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/kiran_bir_sethi_teaches_kids_to_take_charge.html

]]> By: Michellehttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/20-things-you-should-never-say-to-your-teens/#comment-6272 Michelle Mon, 12 Jul 2010 09:38:55 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/index.php/2008/07/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/20-things-you-should-never-say-to-your-teens/#comment-6272 Yes, I agree. I am a teen myself and these things, if said would make me very mad. My father sometimes says to me and it is defiantly the thing that makes me extremely mad is "Im the adult and you're the child." I don't really understand why, but I just cant stand that sentence. Yes, I agree. I am a teen myself and these things, if said would make me very mad. My father sometimes says to me and it is defiantly the thing that makes me extremely mad is "Im the adult and you're the child." I don't really understand why, but I just cant stand that sentence.

]]>