Family Matters

Archive for the ‘Opinion’ Category

Here is a typical scene in many homes these days: you come in the door, pass by the living room and see the TV on and one or two kids holding something in their hand, with a wire leading to just under the TV. They kids are totally absorbed in what is happening on the screen and ignore you completely, while pressing buttons and pushing little levers on the box in their hands.

We went to sleep late at night in our room at the guesthouse in Thailand. The street was full of tourists and we wondered how on Earth we were going to wake up at 4:30am to prepare for our flight back home. We could set our hand watches, but I knew that my internal clock would do the job. I only needed to look at my watch before I closed my eyes, see the time and tell myself to wake up on time.

Despite parenting being a mixed bag and sometimes downright challenging, the presence of your child in your life is a constant. At the end of most days, your child comes home for dinner, shower, change of clothes, sleep and possibly some quality time. Even during their teens, when they come home later (or earlier, because it is already the next day ;), their haven is where you live.

But there comes a time, when kids leave home.

As parents, one of the things we always worry about is what kind of a world we will leave for our kids. No matter how many times we vote and realize we can only cast one vote in millions into the box, we somehow still feel it is our responsibility to make sure that when our kids grow up, the world will be safe, clean and pleasant for them. It’s OK, it’s natural.

In one of my parenting workshops, I had a discussion with one of the fathers about the use of negative words and we talked about the slogan “Australia says ‘no’ to violence against children”. I explained that the brain records “Australia says to violence against children”, omits the “no” and focuses on “Australia”, “violence” and “children”. Paul thought it was a great slogan (and he did not work for the copywriting company who came up with the slogan).

At that stage, all the other participants already understood that “no smoking” only promoted smoking by focusing on the smoking, so pretty quickly, there was a lively group interaction going on.
This week, I got a video made by a great organisation, which presented the answer we were looking for in our discussion at that parenting workshop. What would you want people to focus on? We want them to focus on creating a child-friendly environment for our kids. We want them to be happy, to feel safe and to have good relationships with others.

The answer to (the pink elephant) “Australia says no to violence against children” is now “Australia says yes to a child-friendly environment for our children” and I love this new focus.

Single-sex schools originated during the 18th century, when rich families sent their sons to “special” schools. Only later, in the 19th century, when the awareness of the value of education increased, were girls also sent to study. Single-sex schools were very popular in England and now also in Australia.

Today, the single-sex schools are popular among religious populations and even more during high school.

In Israel, there is a form of communal living called “Kibutz”, where children live in a room with other kids almost from birth and are being cared for by a carer. In that arrangement, parents came to spend time with their kids before and after work, met them for breakfast, lunch and dinner in the communal dining hall but the kids spent most of their life with their carers and friends and hardly ever slept at “home”. A research over 40 years found the most amazing thing – although those kids spent fairly little time together with their parents, all of them declared that their parents had the biggest influence on their life.

Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD) is very trendy. If you search on Google, you will see that there are 34,800,000 hits for it (this is today, but I am sure tomorrow it there will be more, if only because I am adding this post…). It is amazing that as the years goes by, the percentage of kids and people with ADHD goes up. Do you have an explanation to this?

In this post, let me try to give you some explanation to this inflation in the diagnosis of ADHD.

Parenting (especially teenage parenting) is undoubtedly the most challenging adventure in a person’s life. Remember the first hours of being a mother or a father? The unconditional love you had for this tiny new creature that did nothing but eat, sleep and cry, coupled with the enormous load of the new responsibility, from which there was no escape. A bit overwhelming, wasn’t it? For some parents, even a bit scary sometimes. Who can you turn to for parenting advice?

Here is a question I was asked by a writer from a famous women’s magazine, who wanted my opinion as a life coach.

My girl friend is getting married soon and I feel a bit left out. I feel she is moving on without me. What is the best way to ensure our friendship stays the same, now that we are on different life paths?